


Falling, Falling, Fell

by Flame0515



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Video Blogging RPF, Watcher Entertainment RPF
Genre: But also, Developing Relationship, Established Relationship, Falling In Love, First Kiss, M/M, Mutual Pining, Reflection, Ryan Bergara Loves Shane Madej, Shane Madej Is So Whipped, Shane Madej Loves Ryan Bergara
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 07:53:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27679684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Flame0515/pseuds/Flame0515
Summary: The boys look back on how they got here and what it was like falling in love.
Relationships: Ryan Bergara & Shane Madej, Ryan Bergara/Shane Madej
Comments: 7
Kudos: 40





	Falling, Falling, Fell

**Author's Note:**

> Ngl this is super self-indulgent and I wrote in a day because I felt like it. It was the only thing I could write because I've got writer's block on everything else. Anyway this stemmed from a tumblr post where this girl is waxing poetic about how falling in love with this other girl. Someone else asked if she was okay and she said 'yeah I'm married to her now' and I just thought that was neat. 
> 
> ANYWAY here we go

For Shane, falling in love had never been on his to-do list. 

He was never really the type of person to plan out his life. He mostly just went with the flow, did whatever he felt was right in the moment. He had a vague idea of course. He knew that he had always wanted a job that he actually enjoyed, somewhere to call home would be nice too. 

It never occurred to him that ‘home’ could be a person.

That’s probably because finding someone to love had never been at the top of his list of wants in the first place. But now that he had it? He couldn’t imagine ever not wanting it. 

This is a long winded way of saying that when he joined Unsolved he never expected to find love through it. He never expected to love Ryan Bergara the way he does now. He never thought that one day he would call Ryan his home. He never expected Ryan to be the focal point of his life- to be the most important thing to him. He never in a million years thought he would love and be loved by Ryan Bergara. 

Love was a term that he didn’t throw around too often. It was a word he held close to his chest, a word he had reserved for few people. But with Ryan.. He didn’t often say it to Ryan (initially) but he thought it a whole lot. Thought about the different things Ryan did that made him think  _ I love that _ . Stuff like his laugh and his smile and mannerisms and quirks and his hair and his eyes and his humor and thought process and his obsessions. He loved it all. He isn’t quite sure when love became a word he associated so strongly with the man but it did. 

Well that last part is sort of a lie.

He remembers  _ exactly  _ when love became associated with Ryan Bergara.

They were traveling for Unsolved however many years ago now when they stopped at a shitty little diner for some coffee and food before hitting the road again. The waitress brought them their coffee and some water. He was taking the wrapper off of his straw and watching Ryan pour creamer into his coffee. He allowed himself a moment to just look at Ryan- something he didn’t do often- and it hit him.

_ I love you. _

Then Ryan looked up and caught him staring,  _ “What’s up?”  _ He had asked with concern.

He almost said it, then and there, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. It was too much. Instead he balled up his straw wrapper, shrugged, and flicked it at Ryan.

Ryan laughed and called him an asshole and smiled his stupid, pretty smile. 

_ God  _ he loved that smile. And that laugh. And every single thing about Ryan. 

He loved Ryan.

He didn’t know what to do with this information. If he remembered correctly he tried not to think about it too much. Tried to push it down and carry on. It didn’t work, of course. Mostly because he was so gone over Ryan, so hopelessly in love that there was no getting around it. It was weird. He’d never felt the ache that came with this type of love before. It hurt. But life went on.

It always did.

That is until Ryan kissed him out of nowhere. Then it felt like time came to a complete stand still and he had to reconsider their entire relationship up to that point. Upon looking a bit closer it was painfully obvious that they had been pining after each other for years.

They were (and still are) fools but that’s okay. They have each other.

For Ryan, love was important to him. He wanted to have a partner someday, someone to settle down with, to hold and be held by, to kiss goodnight and goodmorning, someone to love.

He just never expected to find that in Shane.

He never thought he’d get to love Shane in this way. But he does and sometimes that’s just so surreal. How did he get so lucky? He was used to the universe being a cruel and unjust thing, he had plenty of experience with it. That’s why he could never quite fathom how he ended up with the most wonderful person he’d ever had the pleasure of meeting. 

More often than not, he wore his heart on his sleeve. He wasn’t afraid to tell the people he cared about that he loved them. He declared his love for most things openly, so much so that one might think the word lost meaning. It never did. But when he says that he loves Shane it’s different. When he says he loves Shane he says it with his whole chest. When he says it it’s full of warmth and truth. Every time he says it Shane gets flustered and it’s clear he hasn’t heard it enough. Ryan’s never loved anything or anyone more than he’s loved Shane Madej. He likes to think that he captures that love in his words when he says it. At least he hopes he does.

In a way, he thinks he’s always known that he loves Shane. There was never a specific moment when he realized it or anything like that. It was more of a natural thing, for him at least.  Apparently if you go to enough haunted locations and talk about enough famous murders you might just fall in love. He thinks it was less of one thing and more of a series of moments.

He remembers every little moment. He remembers every time he caught the fondness in Shane’s eyes when he listened to Ryan ramble about something he was passionate about. He remembers every time he found himself wanting to hold Shane’s hand during shoots and wondering why. Above all he remembers when he actually gave in and grabbed Shane’s hand and Shane gave him that ever fond look and held his hand back. He told him he’d be okay and when Shane said it- he believed it. 

It was then Ryan realized that that look was meant for him and him only. It was then Ryan realized that there was a bigger reason as to why he wanted to hold Shane’s hand than he initially thought. He just wasn’t sure what that reason was yet.

He eventually put two and two together. It dawned upon him one day and to be honest- it wasn’t all that jaring. It made sense. It felt normal. He was just disappointed that Shane would never love him the way he loved Shane. That stung. 

Then he made another realization not too much later. 

Shane  _ did  _ love him. 

They were in a coffee shop that had just opened and they wanted to try it. Ryan got up to grab their drinks and as the barista handed them to him she said, and he quotes:  _ “I just wanted to say you and your boyfriend make a really cute couple! You guys remind me of my girlfriend and I.”  _ He was startled to say the least. 

He started to ‘defend’ himself, a stupid thing he did whenever someone said this to him which, in retrospect, happened a lot more often than he realized and that probably meant something. So, instead, he said  _ “You think we look like a couple?”  _

_ “Oh, you’re not? Sorry. The way you guys look at each other is just.. real sweet, you know? There’s a lot of fondness there. Ugh, sorry if that made you uncomfortable.”  _

He told her it didn’t and said she didn’t have to apologize, thanked her for the drinks and rushed back to his seat undoubtedly redder than when he got up. 

The whole situation got him thinking. 

He decided to turn to Steven and asked him  _ “Do you think Shane likes me?” _

Steven gave him a look.  _ “Clearly? I mean I would hope he did-” _

_ “No, like- do you think he likes me, likes me?” _

Steven laughed at him.  _ “It’s pretty obvious to everyone but you for some reason” _

He needed more of a confirmation so he goes around asking different friends, people they’ve both known over the years and the answer is a unanimous yes. 

That settled it. 

One day, when they were hanging out at his place, Ryan decided to go for it. He kissed Shane and Shane kissed back. 

So, he remembers their first kiss and the awkwardness that was the conversation that followed. He remembers the pure joy he felt when they decided to try out a relationship. He remembers every little gesture and every little moment that got them here.

Here being married and living in a home that they bought together, owning a company that’s grown bigger than they ever could have imagined. 

Ryan didn’t expect any of it but it’s a welcome surprise.

Shane didn’t expect any of it but he adores in none the less. Granted, he never expected much. But this? Being able to live such a domestic life? One that’s brought him only happiness? He never in a million years thought this would be where he ended up.

He has a home.

Not just in the sense of the house that he lives in (which is a feat in of itself) but in Ryan. In his friends, in his job, in their fanbase. Sometimes he just sits down and wonders how he got here. What series of events was it that got him  _ here  _ of all places? How did he pull this off? 

Sometimes he gets in his head about it and questions if he’s deserving of it all but then Ryan will come and kiss the thoughts away and remind him that he  _ is  _ deserving of it all, that  _ “there’s no one I can think of that’s more deserving of this than you, Shane.”  _ And he melts at his words everytime. 

There are times where Ryan can’t believe it either. Times where Shane has to pull him back to Earth when he drifts. Shane will hold his hand or wrap and arm around him and pull him close and it brings him back every time without fail. 

When it comes to comfort, for Shane, it’s words. For Ryan, it’s touch. No one knows this better than them. They’ve always clicked like that.

When it comes to waking up next to each other every morning, for Shane, it’s reaching out and playing with Ryan’s curls. For Ryan, it’s pressing kisses into Shane’s bedhead. They’ve quietly agreed that it’s the best way to wake up in the morning. 

When it comes to realizations, for Shane, it’s shitty diners and the little things. For Ryan, it’s dirty old buildings and.. Well the little things. 

When it comes to love- For Shane, it’s always been Ryan. For Ryan, it’s always been Shane. 

They wouldn’t have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me at Flame0515 on tumblr! You can also leave me prompts there if you wanna. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!!!


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